“I’m so tall I make midgets look like dwarves.”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but that’s OK, because sometimes it feels like I’m being followed by a black midget.”

“I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.”

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”

“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall. Well, he would stand that tall if he weren’t in a wheelchair. So he’s a cripple and a midget, but he still whooped my ass last Tuesday. Bastard.”

“Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.”