“I’m strapped for cash, and I’m also strapped to a chair in someone’s basement.”

“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair and make them listen to Lady Gaga. Actually, perhaps that’s too cruel, too close to torture.”

“I’m more than just a pretty face. I’m also delusional.”

“I’m the Robert the Bruce of Bruces. I’m also the Robert the Bruce of Roberts. 
”

“I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs.”

“I’m a student of life. My own. So I’m also my own teacher.”

“People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.”