“I’m thirsting for fame. I’m so fucking thirsty. Somebody bring me a tall glass of saltwater with a side order of desert.”

“If somebody pushed you down a well, I’d rush over and toss you a bucket, because I’m fucking thirsty.”

“I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw.”

“I’m so lonely, I just need somebody to call me—even if it’s a wrong number. I’m also hungry, so maybe that caller could order me a pizza after they hang up on me.”

“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?”

“I’m as thirsty as an elephant penis in the snow. I’m ready to love again.”

“I’m so tall I make midgets look like dwarves.”