“In a lot of ways I am like a duck. I love the water; I have large, web-like feet; and I could never kill a man, unless that man tasted like soggy bread and I decided to eat him.”

“I have bread, water, and love—what more can a man ask for? How about pasta, wine, and sex.”

“How many ways can I say “I love you”? I could say it in another language, like French. I could say it through action, like a kiss. Or I could say it indirectly, like telling your best friend, April. Yes, I think I’m ready to tell April I love her.”

“I love the way the color lavender smells, and the way the color salmon tastes. And if there were a color called “fur,” I’d like the way it feels.”

“I could have murdered a man today, but by not doing so I saved his life, and thus became a hero to myself. I’m like that all the time. Being heroic, I mean.”

“I like cardboard. Of course, I have to be in the mood to eat Pizza Hut.”

“I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, because I like ice water.”