“In my dream I woke up to realize I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Then I slowly remembered that I was asleep, but that I needed to wake up and write this down. Blah.”

“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.”

“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”

“This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep.”

“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.”

“Surrealist Tip # 7: Sleep through numbers 1-6. Write down your dreams while you sleep, sleep as fast as you can, but try not to get a ticket—and don’t let the honking of other drivers wake you up.”

“When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first taking off my bunny ears.”