“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.”

“I think it’s OK to rape as many people as possible, and that’s precisely why I’m going into politics.”

“I was crying on the inside, but on the outside, to the casual observer, and to the man who was dying, I was laughing. That man was my father, and I haven’t laughed that hard since his funeral. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.”

“My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.”

“I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, because I like ice water.”

“If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.”