“In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense.”

“A man who claims to be 32 degrees is one freezing freemason. That man must make love with all the warmth of a shadowy secret.”

“If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for a man who will make love to you all night long, then I’m the man for the job. I will help you find that man.”

“The Nike swoosh logo would make an interesting mustache—on a man who runs his mouth all the time.”

“I’m a man who wears many hats. Some of them are furry.”

“I speak the language of love. That’s right, I speak Russian.”

“I’ll beat you with a ladder, so in my defense I can say, “I didn’t hit him! Look at those bruises. They are consistent with those of someone who clearly fell down some steps.”