“In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning, and in the beginning I want to be in bed.”

“I want my last 50 years on this earth to be amazing. Of course, I still want to have 150 years before those last 50 years begin.”

“I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to produce cologne and stench—at different ends of the production line. So it would be an olfactory factory.”

“I want to end my life by eating so much Viagra that I go out like that movie and Die Hard. If you want to watch, I just made popcorn.”

“I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.”

“I keep a large map of the world hanging above my bed. Everybody wants to own land, but I want to own the oceans.”

“I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.”