“Insects have the most sex. Trust me, I peep on them through my microscope.”

“I saw two lizards kissing yesterday, but I scared them off. Maybe I should have taken off my bird costume before peeping on them.”

“No, lady, you didn’t have sex with me, you had sex with my clone. I’m sorry, but I don’t know you.”

“If I walked in on two of my clones having sex, I’d think it was gay, incestuous, and just plain rude to have not invited me.”

“Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money. But is that possible? I should invent a vending machine that dispenses sex. I guess it’ll also distribute political favors.”

“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I did have money, I wouldn’t pay for sex, because women would sleep with me for free.”

“She asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I replied, “With you, or in general?”