“Instead of burning the midnight oil, you should try selling it.”

“Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.”

“Instead of selling other countries weapons, we should sell them candles. Maybe then instead of singing the praises of war, they’d start singing Happy Birthday. And I don’t know anybody, not even my bully of an uncle, Uncle Sam, who wants to start a fight during that song.”

“In high school pottery class, I never made a whole vase. Instead I made fragments that I tried to sell as historical artifacts. The effort earned me an F in pottery, and an A in History.”

“My penis burns. I guess I should stop trying to put out forest fires with it.”

“The best way to sell a car is to first try to sell them an airplane, then a horse, and then finally bring up the newest model automobile you have for sale.”

“I want to move to a ghost town and try to sell the population bodies to dwell in.”