“Is it better to pull someone, or push them to succeed? I have no idea, but will you be my slinky?”

“I have three step brothers and one step sister. It’s like a staircase, and I am the slinky.”

“I have a great golf swing. I just wish I had someone to push me on it.”

“I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company, and a competitor (probably someone from Nike) attacked you, so I had to stab them in the throat with a shoelace. I guess it would have been better to use that shoelace to strangle them. 
”

“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.”

“When tragedy befalls me and someone says, "Better you than me," I always reply, "Yes, I am better than you.”

“My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of unicorns.”