“Is there a gun that shoots rain? Oh yeah, water guns. How technologically advanced we are!”

“When you carry a gun, everything starts looking like a sword. If you pass the butter too quickly, I’m likely to shoot you. But even if you attack me, we can still be lovers.”

“I want a trophy wife. I’ll keep her on the shelf next to my future Nobel peace prize. (I plan on inventing a gun that shoots love, not bullets.)
”

“I conceal myself behind cynicism because it’s safe. Camouflage is more protective than body armor. Why do you think the Department of Defense contacted me to design a gun that shoots insults?”

“A condom prevents life. A gun takes life. Would a condom over the barrel of a gun prevent one life from taking another?”

“At the gun range I can’t hit the paper bull’s eye, no matter how carefully I aim at my wife.”

“I believe that guns offer the most bang for the buck.”