“Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?”

“I eat overcast skies for breakfast, because sunlight isn’t filling enough. As a lover, I’m a bring-my-own-umbrella kind of guy, because a soup bowl doesn’t offer enough space or protection.”

“Laying on top of me is better than laying on a bed, because a bed doesn’t give off rising heat, or supply a functioning erection.”

“Is the only reason you get out of bed because you can’t sleep anymore? I’m like that sometimes.”

“Hoping to get a head start on the next day, I eat breakfast the night before. That way I can sleep in until two in the afternoon.”

“I couldn’t agree more. That doesn’t mean I agree. In fact, I completely disagree. And since I so thoroughly disagree, I couldn’t agree more.”

“A brick could be used as a bowling ball. With how bad I bowl, a rectangle ball couldn’t possibly hurt my score, because in bowling you can’t get a lower score than zero”