“Is your bed big enough? Because if it is, I can always join you and crowd it up a bit.”

“I’m a big cat lover, so I thought it’d be cool to join the Black Panther party. But can you believe it, those fucking honkies wouldn’t let me in.”

“Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.”

“My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father.”

“Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?”

“If you forget your manners, you can always borrow mine. I won't be using them.”

“A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.
”