“It is with great sadness that I blow my nose.”

“If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.”

“I’ll only blow my nose into green handkerchiefs. Why? Because all my brown hankies are reserved for wiping my ass.”

“If I had four fingers growing out of my forehead, I wouldn't try to play the piano with my nose.”

“If I had nostrils on my index fingers, I wonder what the inside of my nose would smell like?”

“I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus.”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted it on the way down—and then again on the way up.”