“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just a kitten.”

“Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and not by women.”

“From a distance it looked like a dog, but it was just a smashed and beaten box. Still, I’m glad I swerved and hit it.”

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s cute, like one of those little dogs, the kind Ryan Lilly has.”

“My name is Two Dogs Wink While Chewing. It’s not an Indian name, nor one that reflects my cat-loving nature.”

“Dogs are exceptionally intelligent creatures. My dog, for example, taught me that not only am I a cat person, but that it isn’t really a dog at all, but that it is in fact a cat.”