“It’s amazing how nostalgia filters out the bad and focuses only on the good.”

“My amazing feat features shoes (and feet)—it’s how far I’d walk for love. Guess how far? However far it is from the point I ran out of gas to wherever she is, assuming she’s hanging out at a gas station.”

“My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.”

“My brain is an amazing machine. Too bad I can’t take credit for it. As brilliant as I am, think how profound the Designer that created me is.”

“My asshole is supportive of me. No matter what, good or bad, it’s always right there behind me.”

“Mr. Shit gives politicians a good name. It’s the rest of the politicians who give Mr. Shit a bad name.”

“It’s good if you think bad thoughts, because at least you’re thinking. That’s more than most people do.”