“It’s better to say something too little, than nothing too much.”

“Something can be humorous without being funny. The difference is when it’s humorous, a person says, “That’s funny,” and when it’s funny, a person can’t say anything because they’re too busy laughing.”

“I get the impression that people who wear too much cologne are hiding something. People who wear clothes are hiding something too.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“Governments are too stupid to understand that too much red tape does not bind a nation together—it tears it apart.”

“Earwax is nothing more than sound boogers. I’m too congested to hear anything but I love you. Not that I expect you to flick it at me lightly.”

“I’d use my shadow as a blanket, but it’s too cold. It’s a shame, because it’d fit snuggly over my body.”