“It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.”

“It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.”

“Lead is to lead as follow is to follow. And lead is to lead as a type of metal is to a type of metal. Which brings me to my point: To love is to lead with your heart, while allowing your ego to sink like lead.
”

“When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.”

“When I’m typing at my keyboard, I often feel like Mozart. Can somebody scratch my Bach?
”

“Sometimes writing is easy. Other times it’s as hard as trying to eat a whole whale, after the whale has just eaten you.”

“I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because they’re so envious and jealous when I wear it that they avoid me altogether.”