“It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?”

“We made love like Tuesday at noon, even though it was Thursday at 3:00, and then again at 3:03. (I have the stamina of a water lily).”

“If you ask me if I know how to speak Latin, I’ll say, “No, it’s all Greek to me.”

“My penis, when inflated, does not qualify as a flotation device, no matter how much it tastes like the navy.”

“If it’s dangerous, then you go first. If it’s pleasurable, then I’ll be brave and lead the charge.”

“I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you naked, I’ll want to make war to you.”

“I looked him in the eyes and said, “I don’t trust you.” I’ll tell you, it’s like looking in a mirror when you make eye contact with your clone.”