“It’s sad when people want to wear out a perfectly good last name when they don’t have any other pants. Idea for a pen name: Johnny Nudity.”

“His first name is Brooks, but his last name isn’t. His last name is Wrinkled, unlike his shirt (he isn’t wearing one).”

“His last name was Worthless. Or was that just the perfect word to describe him? Shouldn’t our names summarize who we are? If so, I want to be called Al Auttalovetogive.”

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you don’t wear. I don’t wear pants, for instance, and while you’re pondering that, take a moment to gaze at my penis.”

“I think the perfect pen name is Quill McSeagull. Especially for writing flights of fancy—and nothing has more feathers than a love poem.”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”

“His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.”