“It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van Gogh.”

“If I could go back in time, I'd love to whisper sweet nothings in Van Gogh's ear, but not while it was attached to his head.”

“If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.”

“Women love to talk. I'll bet Van Gogh had a woman. And I'll bet she talked his ear off.”

“I’m an artist. I’m a cave painter. Archaeologists and art critics of the future are going to call me a genius. They’re going to say I was so far ahead of my time that I was way behind my time.”

“I’m like a ventriloquist chasing his own voice. I can whisper and shout at the same time, and this is the closest approximation I have to a description of love. I would offer you something to drink, but I’m not in the kitchen, even though it may sound like I am.”

“I like how cats’ ears can flip inside out. It’s as if they’re saying, Keep talking, human, but I’m not even listening.”