“It’s your ass on the line. Grab it thinly.”

“I’ll grab my crotch at you. It’s a greeting, like hello, only more provocative and inviting.”

“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a lawyer’s ass. (Limit one coupon per customer).”

“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it," I like to look over at him, grab his ass, and say, "Shh. I'm about to cum.”

“Sitting on my ass all day long is fun and all, but I’d rather sit on your ass. More padding, like an overstuffed sofa.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” This line could signify rejection, or it could be something I say in the future, when I’m talking to one of my clones about another one of my clones.”

“When I’m feeling down, I make myself a big bowl of Up Soup. The bowl only looks empty, but in reality it’s full of hope. Grab a spoon, there’s plenty for both of us.”