“I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry.”

“The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in the ocean. But whatever you do, do not drink it!”

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.”

“A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes ornament.
”

“I’ll be waiting in my trunk, with the engine of your car.”

“I’m not getting fat and lazy. I’ve always been lazy. C’mon, I’m American!”

“Grow a garden. When there’s a food shortage in the future, you’ll need it. And when people try to steal your food and you shoot them, you’ll also need a good place to hide the bodies.”