“I’ve always wanted to send a message in a bottle, with my message saying something like, “Don’t litter.”

“A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it would make more of an impact than an email or a text message.
”

“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me decode intergalactic messages that I might receive on my Alien Communication Helmet. And after we receive and decode the messages, this female friend could help me make spaghetti with my aforementioned Alien Communication Helmet (it's basically a strainer with antennas). Please don’t send me telepathic thoughts, as it might disrupt transmissions from other galaxies. E-mail only if interested.”

“I bought you a gift. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but I’m not quite sure you’ll like it. So if you don’t want it just tell me and I’ll be happy to keep it. After all, I’m only interested in making you happy. 
”

“I sent him a silent message with my body language, but he must be deaf—or, rather, blind.”

“Messages written across the chest of women’s t-shirts are great, because I can stare at their tits like they are literature.”

“I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open.”