“I’ve been meaning to go shopping for boxing gloves, but I’ve been putting it off. I just need to knock it out and be done with it.”

“I’ve often wondered why boxing gloves are bright red. If I were a boxer, I’d wear camouflage colored boxing gloves so my opponent would never see my punches coming.”

“I just weighed myself, and I thought I weighed 165, but it turns out I weigh 180. Wow! I’ve put on muscle mass and I haven’t even been working out at all!”

“I collect orgasms. Unfortunately, lately I’ve been selling more than I’ve been buying.”

“I’ve often been told I fight like a girl, probably because from the moment I whip off my bra, my opponent knows I mean business.”

“I am an uncle, though this is not a new feeling for me, as I’ve been one before. I’ve also been 2 through 32, and I turn 33 in March.”

“I’ve lived in Jacksonville for—not sure, I get Jacksonville and Paris mixed up. I’ve never been to Paris.”