“I've decided to donate my arsenal of machine guns to a hunting charity. That should help raze a million bucks.”

“My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty before the auction too. I donated my time and money to strippers.”

“I believe that guns offer the most bang for the buck.”

“When I go house hunting, I use a rather large gun. You should see me fish for the best tasting Starbucks coffee. Oh, and can I borrow your plunger?”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though, because I wear them in place of my eyebrows, which I shaved off and donated to charity. I’m just a generous, kind-hearted guy, I guess.”

“If you were running away from me, down a straight hallway with an oiled hardwood floor, and I had a machine gun and a pointy mustache, I still couldn’t hit you with a bowling ball. But what are you doing? You should be running toward love, not away from it.”

“A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.”