“I've eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“Dinner is served. It’s chicken lo mein. Oh and by the way, your cat is missing.”

“I had a Chinese girlfriend once who asked me how much she meant to me. I knew very little Chinese, so I responded, "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“Cap’n is the cuddliest cat this side of the rabbit hole. He’s like a furry lump of clay, because no matter what position you put him in, he’ll stay there and purr and then fall asleep. I could fold him up and stuff him in a Chinese to-go box, and he’d not even meow once in protest. This works great, because instead of snuggling with leftover chicken lo mein, I now fall asleep with Cap’n curled up next to me.”

“I like food that speaks to me. Food like French toast, English muffins, and Deviled eggs. Oh, oval embryonic spawn of chicken, why hast thou deceived me?”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.”