“I’ve got my hair conditioned. It’s not trained, but it is soft.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.”

“I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to make an omelet so big that it’ll produce enough leftovers for decades.
”

“I’ve got nothing, but at least I’ve got nothing to lose.”

“I’ve got a flesh-colored tattoo. I drew it myself. You should see it sometime, if only you could see it (it’s invisible).”

“It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.”

“I’ve got to have kids of my own. If not, who’s going to ascend to my throne?”