“I’ve only been with my girlfriend for three days, but it feels like a lifetime—the lifetime of a gnat.”

“Love should last a lifetime. But not the lifetime of a giant tortoise. More like the lifespan of a gastrotrich.”

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.”

“My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt like I was cheating on one person with the same person. 
”

“A blanket could keep a family of three warm for a lifetime, but global warming could do the same for the world forever. 
”

“As an animal lover, I don’t like zoos. I feel the only creatures that should be caged behind bars are politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And rapists, but I’ve already listed that three times.”

“I often wonder about lifetime warranties. The lifetime of whom or what? A fly that can live to be a month old, if it was born in the beginning of February?”