“Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you don’t. It’ll be a holiday that honors freedom. ”
“Jarod Kintz is a friend, a lover, and a loner. Jarod Kintz talks about Jarod Kintz, because Jarod Kintz has nobody else to talk to. Jarod Kintz is also a liar and a thief, and that’s why I think he’d make a great politician. ”
“Nine out of ten Jarod Kintzes agree that there is only one Jarod Kintz.”
“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.”
“Actually Grandad Christmas is a pagan holiday and Jesus probably hates you for celebrating it.”
“Have I missed a national holiday? There must be celebrations in the streets for you to be home at this hour of the day.""I'm calling it Summerset Goes Mute Day. The city's gone mad with joy.”