“Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall. Well, he would stand that tall if he weren’t in a wheelchair. So he’s a cripple and a midget, but he still whooped my ass last Tuesday. Bastard.”

“I’m so tall I make midgets look like dwarves.”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”

“I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but that’s OK, because sometimes it feels like I’m being followed by a black midget.”

“I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.”

“If my clone weren’t dead, or rather not in nonexistence, he would have probably killed me by now.”