“Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight.”

“Renaldina told Renaldo and Renaldo told me, so that’s two points for possible miscommunication, especially when you consider that she’s deaf and he’s blind, so it went through two language variations and two incompatible methods of travel, like mule to submarine.”

“After they broke up, Renaldo's ex girlfriend said to never again date an older woman. And he wisely listened to her, because his mother only had his best interest in mind.”

“As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about you, look no further than the balloon giraffe.”

“Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else.”

“My last name should be “Why,” because it is my destiny to question everything, including how to change my last name to one of the shortest questions and the question of all questions.”

“The moment I heard her name I fell in love. Of course I fell in love with the wrong name, so I made her legally change her name to match that of my love interest.”