“Kindly remove your shoes from my bullshit.”

“My shoes are scuffed and dirty from dancing. The grave of my enemy is where I go to find my inner Astaire.”

“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.”

“I lit my loneliness on fire like it was a cigarette. But I didn’t smoke it, because that would have required me to remove my gas mask. And what kind of sensible girl is going to be attracted to a guy out in public not wearing his gas mask?”

“I want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable.”

“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).”

“I took my shoes for a walk. They’re furry and they bark.”