“Last night as I was driving home, I ran over a guy in a wheelchair. But it’s OK—he was already paralyzed.”

“I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, because I didn’t vote for that particular politician.”

“I ran over a dog last night on my way home, and then I wondered what my wife had made for dinner. The two events are disappointingly not connected. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“Large metal objects moving at high speeds have such an impact on me that I just get paralyzed. Honk if you’re horny, and find men in wheelchairs sexy.”

“The wisest thing my grandpa ever said to me before he died was "Stop!" Thinking back, I don't know if he was talking to me or the car that ran him over. I prefer to think he was talking to the car, because how could he be so foolish to try to talk to me, when I was busy driving the car.”

“The people at the party forgot I was standing there. But it’s OK, because I forgot I was standing there too.”

“I have a handicap on the golf course like you wouldn’t believe. It’s more than a limp, and less than a wheelchair.”