“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re James Dean).”

“I try not to sell myself short, unless I’m giving myself a great price on the stuff.”

“Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nobody can see you’re naked.
”

“There’s not a lot of food on the moon. Not unless you’re into cannibalism.”

“I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.”

“I don’t like chili, unless I’m wearing a jacket.”

“Unless I’m at a wedding, I don’t like veiled threats.”