“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.”

“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why spend 2/7th of your life wasting your free time? After all, free time isn’t free. Free time is the most expensive time you have, because nobody pays for it but you. But that also makes it the most valuable time you have, as you alone stand to reap the profits from spending it wisely.”

“If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream. 
”

“My face doesn’t match my personality. Maybe it would if instead of a mouth I had an asshole in its place.
”

“No matter how far or long you carry it, my love doesn’t weigh a lot. But if you aren’t carrying it with you, it will weigh heavy on your mind.”

“I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.”

“If your toaster isn’t working, stick your sword in the bread slot, and see if that doesn’t improve its behavior.”