“Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offering meatloaf.”

“I don’t understand people who don’t like meatloaf. Your mom doesn’t make it like Michael Aday does.”

“Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that.”

“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.”

“Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nobody can see you’re naked.
”

“Yes, ma’am, I will take seconds. Your dinner tastes like excrement. I scream, you scream, we all scream for excrement.”

“Love, like lightning, can strike anytime. That’s why I say tinfoil is not just for leftovers—it’s for channeling romance into your life.”