“Love is always there when you don’t need it, and when you need it and it’s not there, well, that’s what hookers are for.”

“Cats are always there when you need them, asleep, telling you with their body language that they don’t need you.”

“When I need to be in two places at once, make two decisions at once, that’s what clones are for.”

“When love dissipates, it’s like dancing with daisies at midnight, and you don’t get easy at it when you’re deceased. And make no mistake, you will die before romance will.”

“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m going to need you to disrobe and step down here. Don’t worry, I’m already naked and in the water—and it’s warm. 
”

“I don’t know when I’m going to stop when I start—or start when I stop. That’s why I simply love continuously.”

“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don’t need a spoon or straw to enjoy it—you need a pipe to inhale it.”