“Love is in the air. Love and pollution.”

“Love should be unconditional, while hair should be conditioned. Air should also be conditioned, and worn in place of hairnets.”

“I’m building a hot air balloon out of my love for you. I’m starting with the hot air, and then I’m going to surround that with saran wrap, because after all, I’m only using leftovers.”

“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery.”

“My subconscious is like the ocean, only deeper and less polluted.”

“I hate noise pollution. Get that filthy soda can out of my ear!”

“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you more than I love you.”