“Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and not by women.”

“I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.”

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just a kitten.”

“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with a fork. I’m as efficient as the government.
”

“When I jog it’s like a dancing dog. Well, it’s more of a foxtrot.”

“You can’t steal what no man owns. Like my love, for example. It’s owned exclusively by women.”

“For breakfast I want a bowl of sugar with some corn flakes sprinkled on top. Then I want to make sweet love to you.”