“Love is like a zebra refereeing a football game. I should know, because I am the rodeo cowboy riding that zebra.”

“A zebra is the piano of the animal kingdom. And I am the flute at the nudist colony, if you know what I mean.”

“Zebras are the lions of the animal world. I mean they would be, if lions weren’t already the lions of the animal world. So, is this a book about zebras or pianos? Well, I haven’t played a zebra or ridden a piano in a few years, but that doesn’t mean I’m not an expert on both. In fact, the Bantu bestowed upon me the name “Pundamilia Mozart kupanda kinanda ng’ombe dume”, which roughly translated means, “Zebra Mozart who rides piano benches like they’re bulls.” That’s right, my friends. I’m an international man of mystery. Here’s some advice: If you want to be seen as more mysterious, remember to turn on the fog machine before you make your entrance.
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“A zebra has stripes, the American flag has stripes, and I have an erection. Coincidence?”

“I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldn’t tell because I was already sitting in the nosebleed section.”

“Be like a sparrow aspiring to be an ostrich, and I’ll be like a cowboy with no horse looking for a speedy land runner to ride.”

“I am the rainbow of love. Even if things get stormy, you know you can count on me. Call me Roy G. Biv, and I’ll ride you like a pony.”