“Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground.”

“But I still have no cash flow. I need a job, or the gift of prophecy and a plane ticket to Las Vegas.”

“There’s nothing that says love like getting money as a gift, and then giving it away to the needy.
”

“I need to get my wedding ring resized, because it still fits tight around my neck.”

“I’m surprised there isn’t a jet airplane designed in the shape of a brick. Some people (aeronautical engineers) might say that’s because bricks aren’t aerodynamic. Yeah, right. I’d like to see someone make that claim as they watch a brick flying towards their face at a high velocity. 
”

“There’s a 95% chance I’ll miss out on 5%.”

“There’s always going to be a criminal element in the population. At least as long as people believe they need politicians.”