“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”

“I wish I could climb the corporate ladder like I could climb a tree, but I can’t, because I’m afraid of heights. And bark.”

“I’m so tall I make midgets look like dwarves.”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but that’s OK, because sometimes it feels like I’m being followed by a black midget.”

“I long for your love like the length of a midget.”

“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because I’m always in love.”

“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.”