“Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so romantic I could just puke.”

“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.”

“I’m nothing. I’m just a humble man in a bumblebee costume trying to pollinate with a woman as romantic as a flower. Love doesn’t have to sting.”

“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?”

“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.”

“My hush is lush. It’s drunk on its own greenness, just as I’m drunk on my blue silence. What would you say if I asked you to turquoise?”

“I lost my virginity in the back seat of a Buick. Not because I’m a romantic, but because my grandpa and grandma were in the front seats.”