“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.” Love is much more than that. Love is also a logo. I know, because I have it tattooed on my ass.”

“You may have to dish out more love than me, but I have more love to dish out. Also, it’s your turn to wash dishes.”

“When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle.”

“I tattooed my name on my buttocks, so you’d know what an ass I am. Also so either me or my clone could claim me, if I ever got lost.”

“My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.”

“In the midst of the mist lies a mystery that only The Mythical Mr. Boo can solve. Nothing is more mystical, more foggy, and more less than love, so in matters of the heart I turn to him, because he isn’t real.”

“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you more than I love you.”