“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is placed on top of a two-legged piano. I should know, because I’m the guy trying to tune that piano, fix that chair, and affix a prosthetic leg to that guy—who happens to be my piano teacher. Mr. Balloonky, you get down from there now!
”

“Amputate your leg, and attach it to the underside of your wobbly, three-legged chair. Fixing your chair is easy. Ask me how to repair your broken erection.
”

“If I had a wooden leg I could sit on three-legged chairs no problem.”

“Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow.”

“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night. Oh, I didn’t have a foursome, but I did sleep with six prosthetic legs (I have a bad back).”

“The four legs of the chair never move, but what if the chair could run as fast as a cheetah? That would be one piece of leopard print furniture I’d love to sit on.”

“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talking?
”