“Love should last a lifetime. But not the lifetime of a giant tortoise. More like the lifespan of a gastrotrich.”

“How much distance should there be between art and artist? I’d say no more than a lifetime.”

“I’ve only been with my girlfriend for three days, but it feels like a lifetime—the lifetime of a gnat.”

“I don't know what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love isn't a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, because no young man should spend his time searching for his "once in a lifetime." Take it from me, a love like that doesn't exist. And if it did, I'd have already eaten it.”

“I’d like to build a boat out of those little wooden planks that Starbucks provides to stir your coffee. The boat will be dedicated to our love, and it will take a lifetime to complete.”

“I often wonder about lifetime warranties. The lifetime of whom or what? A fly that can live to be a month old, if it was born in the beginning of February?”

“How many birthdays can you fit in your lifetime? If you answered "All of them," you should have your genitals ripped out from underneath your father's pillowcase.”