“Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only.”

“I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only.”

“I think you know if you disappeared from my life I’d be upset, but ultimately I’d make myself a new invisible cloak, to replace the one you stole.”

“I asked her out on a date, and she said, “Sorry, I can’t see you.” “That’s no problem,” I replied, “I won’t wear my invisible cloak.”

“When I get excited I drool. That’s why I buy bibs wholesale from my dentist. Based on that alone you could label me a romantic.”

“If a magic genie, from a lamp, offered me three wishes, I'd use one to wish you a happy birthday. So 33 percent would be spent in your celebration. I only offer that statistic so you don't think me chintzy when you find this card void of cash.”

“My clones better not wear invisible cloaks. How am I supposed to find myself as a person if I can’t even find my clones?”