“Make mine a weasel, I said to the crowd of mostly rodents and lawyers.”

“I haven't met many lawyers that I didn't like. But then again, I haven't met many lawyers.”

“To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly the people I don’t like are lawyers, lobbyists, and politicians.”

“If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue.”

“I like making money. I make it out of wood. I make nickels mostly.”

“America’s been ruined by one word: Bankers. No, two words: Bankers and lawyers. Make that three words. Add politicians to that list. Oh, and don’t forget the lobbyists.”

“The world needs more laws. I say this only because I believe the world needs more lawyers. If everybody was a lawyer, there’d be no unemployment, because the economy would be like a great lawsuit factory. Farmers in this utopia wouldn’t raise crops, they’d raise suspicion.”